Dearly Beloved
by XaraYunn
Summary: I didn't know I was actually capable of feeling this way. And the moment I did acknowledge it, truthfully and without denial, I never had the chance to tell you. Wasted years, wasted days, wasted hours, wasted minutes, and wasted seconds passed me by without me knowing. I had all the answers to all my questions except for one… why?


X.x.X.x.X Near's POV X.x.X.x.X

Why?… Why did you leave me? When I solved the Kira case and put LIght Yagami's life to an end, some part of me knew that I should be happy for my success, but if felt like, a part of me was missing. It was… gone.

Why?… Why did you give up your life for me like that? I knew that it would be one of the keys in winning the battle, but why did you help me when I wasn't worth anything to you? We were always fighting, always competing for the title of L-our idol, the only thing that linked a bridge of connection between us, even if I knew that you hated me with every fiber of your being. I didn't want this, I didn't want to make you think that I was always better than you. To be honest, I just wanted us to be friends… more than friends.

_"I'm not a tool for you to use to solve the puzzle!" _The moment you said those words, my heart shattered into a million pieces. Did you really hate me that much to think of me that way? I would never do that to you-not in a million years. I couldn't help but lose my confidence the moment I registered those words, but I knew that I had to show no emotions whatsoever.

When I gave you that picture, the only thing I could keep hold of you to remind me of the only one I could probably be capable of loving in my solitary life, I knew you would figure out that I was really meaning to give it to you, even if it was your only picture. I wanted to save you from getting killed by the notebook, anyway. Then when you gave me information about the notebook, saying that you would be upset if you didn't give me anything in return, I didn't care about the information. I was caught off-guard because my mind selfishly reasoned that maybe, just maybe, you could care for me the same way too? Of course I anticipated that you wouldn't join forces together, that this is and will always be a contest, a race of who gets to be number one.

Even if I never said anything or did anything because I was afraid of hurting anyone, especially you, I guess I miscalculated. All I succeeded in doing was making you hate me. The truth is, I really admired you and your determination to become the best. You've gone farther than I have-a feat that only you can achieve. You were everything I wasn't-the one with the perfect blonde hair and unparalleled obsidian eyes, the one with overflowing determination and obsession to achieve your goals, the one who could do the things I could never do.

So when I received a formal letter for your wake, I tried to remember the happy times we had-if there were ever any. So I forced a small smile, but it easily failed. For the first time since I was a child, since I saw the grotesque bodies of my mama and papa with wide eyes covered up in blood that smeared on the concrete, a lone salty tear rolled down my cheek. It wasn't the type of crying where one would cry a river of tears until he gouged his eyeballs out-it was the type of crying where only a few, _painful_ tears would leak out from the corner of my eyes, making them sting awfully and leaving my throat scalded, my voice broken, and my will to live dissipated.

_"Together we can surpass L." _I lean close and murmur to your ear that I knew would never hear a single word again, even if I wanted it to. How spoiled a mere orphan like me is, wanting you to come back even if you couldn't and even if it would be selfish to drag you back on earth when you were probably happy already in heaven. I'm the only one left in the room, everyone has long gone because it's way past midnight and I've stayed until the wee hours of the morning, but I didn't care. Then my face hovers over yours, more tears staining your precious face at the regret that I didn't do what I wanted and taking chances for granted only to realize that I may not have the chance again.

I brush my lips against your cold flesh, as benignly as I would have if they were still warm and pink, and whisper the words I knew only your dead body and I would know until I joined you in the afterlife:

_I love you_.


End file.
